Monday, August 27, 2007

Michael Vick Finds Jesus, Hellelujha

Michael Vick has admitted to the charges brought against him and then proclaimed in a news conference that, "Through this situation I've found Jesus." He vowed to redeem himself, saying, "I have to."

After his guilty plea, Michael Vick tells reporters Monday he takes responsibility for his actions.

Why do these guys always go right to Jesus when they get in trouble? Jesus is already busy with Rove and Gonzalez and the crisis of the coming Armageddon, now he's got Michael Vick knocking on his door:

"Hey Jesus," Michael Vick said. "I found you."

Jesus looks through the crack in his front door, still chained shut. "Vick, what's up?"

Vick looks down, embarrassed. "I need a little to tide me over, y'know, or they're gonna take away my crib. Just until I get back in the NFL."

"Yeah, well." Jesus scratches his head. "I donated all my allowance this year to the GOP."

"Snap," Vick says. "Well, they need it more than me, I guess."

"Why don't you ask my Dad? He's across the street."

"How do you think I got into the NFL into the first place?"

"Right... Well there's always the other guy." Jesus points downward.

"I'm ducking that guy. I owe him rent for the dogs."

"Tough luck. Well, tell Pete Rose I said hey."

"Peace out." Michael Vick turns and walks away.

"And also with you." Jesus shuts the door.

"Who was that, honey?" Mary Magdalene calls from the kitchen.

"It was Mike Vick!"

"What did he want?"

"He wanted to borrow money."

"How'd he find you?"

"I think he got my number from Larry Craig.**"

** (CNN) -- A Republican senator pleaded guilty earlier this month to a misdemeanor disorderly conduct charge stemming from his arrest at the Minneapolis-St. Paul International Airport, according to state criminal records.

Republican Sen. Larry Craig of Idaho was arrested in June at Minneapolis-St. Paul International Airport.

Roll Call newspaper reported Monday that Sen. Larry Craig of Idaho was apprehended June 11 by a plainclothes police officer investigating complaints of lewd behavior in an airport men's room.

For a list of other Republican Scandals go here at Salon.

Or better yet try the illustrated and interactive guide at Slate.

(They say that Craig got Jesus' number from Mark Foley***)

***From Wikipedia: In 2004, Foley sent five e-mails to a 16-year-old former page from Monroe, Louisiana sponsored by Rep. Rodney Alexander (R-LA). They were the first messages to be made public in the scandal. Among other things, Foley asked for a photo of the page, his age and birthday, and what he wanted for a birthday present. Foley observed that another male page (to whom he had also written) was "in really great shape... i am just finished riding my bike on a 25 mile journey..." The page forwarded the e-mails to a colleague in Alexander's office, saying "this really freaked me out," and repeating the word "sick" 13 times to describe the photo request. The page asked "if you can, please tell Rodney [Alexander] about this," and in addition, mentioned a female page who had been warned about a Congressman who "hit on" interns.

Mark Foley
Mark Foley

ABC News reported on October 5 that in 2002, Foley e-mailed one page with an invitation to stay at the congressman's home in exchange for oral sex. The page, who was 17 years old at the time, declined the offer. The same report stated that he e-mailed another with a request for a photograph of his erect penis. Another former page reports that he saw sexually explicit e-mails sent to one page from his page class of 2001-2002, and learned of "three or four" pages from that class who received similar e-mails.

Sample Emails:

An exchange that took place in April 2003 apparently reveals Foley engaging in cybersex with an eighteen-year-old former page as the House voted on an emergency supplemental appropriations bill to fund the Iraq War; the released portion does not contain the purported cybersex exchange:

Maf54: ok..i better go vote..did you know you would have this effect on me
Teen: lol I guessed
Teen: ya go vote…I don't want to keep you from doing our job
Maf54: can I have a good kiss goodnight
Teen: :-*

In another exchange, Foley appeared to invite the same page to his apartment with a friend to consume alcoholic beverages:

Maf54: we will be adjourned ny then
Teen: oh good
Maf54: by
Maf54: then we can have a few drinks
Maf54: lol
Teen: yes yes ;-)
Maf54: your not old enough to drink
Teen: shhh…
Maf54: ok
Teen: that's not what my ID says
Teen: lol
Maf54: ok
Teen: I probably shouldn't be telling you that huh
Maf54: we may need to drink at my house so we don't get busted

Other exchanges show Foley as carefully planning to avoid illegal sexual contact:

Teen:   im not 18 till feb 23
Maf54: i know.
Maf54: nothing will happen
Maf54: just dreaming
Maf54: don't worry
Teen: ya im still 17 till feb 23
Maf54: see you feb 24th
(Oh BOY! Is it hot in here or is it just me?-L.S.C.)

Small detail: Foley was chairman of the House Caucus on Missing and Exploited Children, which introduced legislation targeting sexual predators and created stricter guidelines for tracking them. (Wikipedia.)

Another interesting outcome from Mark Foley case: On October 3 Foley’s lawyer stated, "Mark Foley has never, ever had inappropriate sexual contact with a minor in his life. He is absolutely, positively not a pedophile." He also stated that Foley himself was a victim of sexual assault by an unnamed clergyman as a child, that the inappropriate conversations were the result of a secret alcohol problem and primarily occurred while Foley was intoxicated, and that Foley is gay. Previously, when confronted with speculations that he was gay, Foley labeled them "revolting and unforgivable." However, Foley's homosexuality had been an open secret in Washington for many years.

After demands to do so, Foley privately identified the priest he alleged had abused him as a child. However, the public revelation of his identity, Anthony Mercieca, 69-year old Catholic priest now living in Malta, came through the investigative reporting of the Sarasota Herald-Tribune.

Link to a Catholic Website with a Q&A about the scandal concerning Catholic Priests and the cover up of abuse.

Here is what Pope John Paul II had to say about the scandal:

“As priests we are personally and profoundly afflicted by the sins of some of our brothers who have betrayed the grace of ordination in succumbing even to the most grievous forms of the mysterium iniquitatis at work in the world. Grave scandal is caused, with the result that a dark shadow of suspicion is cast over all the other fine priests who perform their ministry with honesty and integrity and often with heroic self-sacrifice. As the Church shows her concern for the victims and strives to respond in truth and justice to each of these painful situations, all of us...are called to embrace the ‘mysterium Crucis’ and to commit ourselves more fully to the search for holiness.”****

(****According to some interpretations of this statement, it seems that the Pope had excused the actions of the priests as not crimes or evil acts but the succumbing to some "mysterium iniquitatis" in the world. Not sure if that condemns the guilty priests or the innocent victims. Perhaps the little boys should have worn their little alter boy skirts a little lower to hide their "mysterium iniquitatis" from the poor priests.)

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